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| 09:22pm 10/08/2005 |
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mood:  sad
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It weird what goes though your mind when accidents happen. I have never felt that helpless before and I never want to feel like that or the way I feel now. I think it's time for me to change how I act but not who I am. This will also be the last time I look or post at live journal, or at least I think so. |
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| Oh boy, 4 lines in the play |
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| 06:52pm 17/02/2005 |
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mood: crappy
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It's always nice to know out of thirteen people you were the worst. I understand that someone has to be the worst, but why i do always feel like it's me? |
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| More Fencing!!!! |
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| 10:28pm 13/02/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy
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Today I went to Culver With Joe and Anna to fence at the "st. valentine massacre", It was about an two an a half hour drive. We got there late so anna wasn't able to fence her weapon, I felt sorry for her.
It's kind of funny that I ended up wearing anna's "v-day" [dark brown with hearts, and the words "heart" and "love" in bright colors all over] socks because I didn't want to wear my own. So Joe and I were both wearing anna's socks. After walking around John said "what, did your girl friend give you those" with a laugh I replyed "a girl gave me them".
After Joe and I got warmed up, we went to fencer our pool. We were in the same pool, and I beat him 5-4. Overall in my pool I went 4-1 with a +3. After about 10 minutes D.E.'s were posted. Because I was placed in 7th I had a bye first round, In my second round I went some college fencer I ended up coming back from 7-12 to win 15-12. I lost my next D.E. against the Number two guy. So over all I ended up tied for fifth and I earned an e05. It is so much nicer going to a meet with out maine west, we never got yelled at and it was just a lot more fun. |
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| 10:00pm 05/02/2005 |
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mood: disappointed
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"Maybe it's better not to be the best. Then you can lose and it's OK."
At midwest I ended up 21 out of 45. [ Great, my worst meet is the one that counts :'( ] |
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| 09:19pm 04/02/2005 |
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mood:  determined
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So, last fencing meet tomorrow, hopefully I can make top 8 [if not higher]. I've done my carb loading for the night, lots of pasta and tomato juice. |
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| 09:05pm 30/01/2005 |
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mood: apathetic
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eh, I might as well update,
So I'll start with fencing (one of the few good things that happened) this year has be awesome for me so far. My lowest finish was 13th and my best was 4[was only one point away from going to the top bout]. However at the team meet there were a lot of problems, Mike had been hit in the back or face[ at the Stevenson v. meet] and it messed with his spine so rather then risking his health the final choice was for him not to fence and for Darek[first year fencer] to take his place. I was hoping for him to do a lot better then he did, he ended up at 2-14 for the day, unfortunately he did better then most people expected. I sprained my thumb also at the v. meet, so I didn't do as well as I wanted [scared I guess, but I lost it against Stevenson, and went 1-3]. Overall as a team we took 4th place witch I guess was ok, considering everything. Well Saturday is the last meet and it would be great if I could take top 8, but only time well tell.
As for my social life, for about three months I dated Alison. I really liked her but it ended badly. We started out by going to homecoming together [which was a blast] after that we continued to date thought the play [The Sound of Music] the play was ok, but as for us after the third rehearsal we couldn’t “touch” each because people were complaining of pda :-D. After the play ended I started fencing, this is where we started to drift. We never saw each other and I guess she lost interest in me. Basically she broke up with me saying that she didn’t know how she felt anymore and I told her that I stilled liked her but she didn’t want anything to do with me and well that was the end of it. So I'm single now and girl choice is coming up [hint hint] (hehe j/k)
And well this is where I am now, Bored, alone and at home update an online journal. Right now I don't know how to feel anymore, I was happy but I don't know anymore I kept having these days where I wake up feeling like shit, and not having anything to look forward to. It’s like I want to have a girlfriend but I’m too picky or just to nice. I just don't know anymore, I just want these feeling of nothing/depression to go away. |
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| 11:45pm 11/09/2004 |
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mood: tired
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When I look into these eyes
I find things no one else ever catches a glimpse at
I see this fear of judgment
that makes her cower at confrontation
I see this hopelessness for the future
that make her choices her burden alone
I see this desperate need for companionship to make her strong
in the savage world of humans
I see this courage
caged in her thoughts of inferiority
I see these thoughts of abandonment
that make her cling to anything
I see this devotion to her beliefs
that makes her fear death
And I hate that the person I always see is me.
I guess I should update more often. I hate work :( |
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| heh, stupid school |
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| 07:07pm 23/08/2004 |
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1. Photo 1 Poehler
2. Pre-cal Monier
3. English 4 comp. Mcrowan
4. caf study
5. Sr lf & wlns Marth
6. govt Moore
7. Lunch
8. Digital Imaging Kelly
9. Study |
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| 05:38pm 21/08/2004 |
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mood: bored
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So bored.....
wish there was something to do... |
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| 11:28pm 09/08/2004 |
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mood: tired
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Remember never never coffee after 6 pm, other then that for all those who care I am leaving for door county tomorrow, and I will be back on sunday.... |
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| Daydream |
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| 03:41pm 09/08/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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Whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream of you.
I day dream of you,
in a faraway land;
embracing me tight
and holding my hand.
Holding my hand,
and touching my face.
Just you and me,
in this peaceful place.
In this peaceful place
a pristine river flows.
Where the unicorns run,
a breeze always blows.
A breeze always blows
and sings of a song;
our love in a place
where you're never gone.
Where you're never gone
is as it would seem,
from dusk until dawn,
whenever I day dream.
And whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream of you.
- Cassie McNair - |
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| 12:58am 22/07/2004 |
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mood: blank
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"Maybe it's better not to be the best. Then you can lose and it's OK." |
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| 06:59pm 10/07/2004 |
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mood: disappointed
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Fuck baseball, why the hell do I even play, |
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| 08:57pm 08/07/2004 |
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mood:  blah
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Why dp I always feel like shit, there is always something bothering me. I shouldn't let little things brother me so much. |
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| 12:13am 07/07/2004 |
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Joe: Man, I am so tired now
Me: To much drinking last night?
Joe: No not enough
Me: |
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| 02:03am 06/07/2004 |
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mood: blank
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Happy Birthday Brandon :) no more curfew for you :-p |
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| 01:03am 05/07/2004 |
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mood:  gloomy
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Now i wake up and i don't have any gravity
Now i wake up still walking in my sleep
Now i wake up feel the world drawing away from me
And now i wake up still walking in my sleep
I'm sick of food
So why am i so hungry
I'm sick of feeling the world draw away from me
And now i wake up
Yeah i remember
Feel the whole world draw away from me
Now i wake up what good is it
Another bright nothing
Another day |
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| 11:25pm 04/07/2004 |
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mood:  relaxed
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today was a fun day. I barbecued at my house; I cooked hamburgers and baby back ribs, the hamburgers were really juicy and the ribs were ok, every time I cook it always make me feel good. After I barbecued I went to Arlington heights for fireworks, I was with my sister(Marisa) her friend(Tracy) and Tracy boyfriend(Jon) there was a carnival there I went on the till-a-world, and the fairs-wheel. I was kind of dizzy, but as dizzy as my sister and her friends, mostly because then drank a lot more then I did. The fireworks were awesome at first is was kind of slow, but by the end it was really cool. At the end of the fireworks, there was an explosion I am still not sure if it was part of the show or not. I kind of think it was because there were two that happen at he same time.
Anyways the sox lost all three games against the cubs, it sucks but it happened. At least the sox are still tied for first and the cubs are three game back. :-p |
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pawnterroist's journal